newboyfridge

Just a boy's thoughts about the Earth and all of the strange things that happen upon it

i wish i was a better man
i wish i’d keep this off my lips
i wish i had more talent
more balance
i wish i was a better man
 

management

these nights when i’m too angry to believe
my consciousness working overtime, too awake to sleep 
thinking about how i ran back to this home, this pit
about how it’s really only what i make of it
i let them break me down
let them tear it down, this thing i thought i built to last
so i find myself wading through the memories of a haunting past
you’d think i would’ve learned how to manage, how to cope
but, right now, it feels as though
i don’t know nothing but rage and how to throw blows
‘cause mom always knew how to talk shit
and pop always knew when to call it quits
and i just coast through life, trying to find a way to deal with all this
white hot knuckles and an ungodly hotheadedness
that’s what they’ve made, and all of a sudden i’m responsible for cleaning up this mess
so i sit upon my stubbornness, smoking this cigarette
and call it management 

i gave you the time, i listened to your words
i moved these mountains, i shook your earth
i painted your sky, i gave you worth
i gave you life, made gold from dirt
i stole your heart, i caught your eye
i cut you open, i bled you dry
i tore you apart, i broke you down
i left you breathless, absent of sound
i grazed your lips, i craved your touch
i left you empty, jagged and rough
i saw a light, i found it in you
i brought the darkness, and it swallowed you, too


please, tell me what i need to hear
please, just lie to me, make this clear
give me life, give me reason
give me purpose, let me feel it 

i am
not a
strong man
but i am
stronger than
this 

i’ve lost myself to the ambiguous flow
pulled under by your fierce eyes, your loving tone
i must be dreaming
but, im not asking you to save me
yeah, you’re no saint, you’re no savior
and even if you were, you could do better
don’t pull me out, don’t pick me apart
i find comfort in my mind, i live, i thrive in that dark
but you
you were sent from the skies, it seems
from far above, to light my fire, to spark my dreams
you’ve seen something in me
but don’t you worry, baby
it will fade
i will change
to you, it may as well have been a dream within a dream
because nothing is as it seems
so go back to sleep
 

i remember when they used to tell me
“son, time will have it’s way with things”
and now, looking back, i’ve realized
that time has had it’s way with me
so i’m finding it hard to give a fuck
about anyone or anything
i find no comfort in existing
you can’t blame us for believing that we were meant for so much more
you, with your downward glance and your shifting stance
brought me to my knees
know, as a wiser man with much rougher hands
i’m done with mercy
you can thank yourself for that
baby, don’t you dare say you’re sorry
i don’t want your apologies
keep them in, force them down, and choke on insecurities
i hope you’re fucking happy
i hope it was worth it
i just hope you’re fucking happy 


 

everything is going to be alright
given time
give it time
 

mountains

lately, i’ve been becoming a stranger
but day by day, i’ve seen a little clearer
that’s what happens when you open your eyes
when you shut your mouth
once you finally see the bullshit and cast it out
it’s like a new age is dawning on this day
and i’ve become a spirit, slowing slipping away
i can hear the mountains calling my name
and i know they want to take me away
and this is all that i have left
a silly dream and wasted breath
i want to know how it feels to be on your own
i want to know how it feels to be all alone
so if you’re upset about me leaving
just convince yourself that i merely went home
i let the mountains take me 
i let the mountains take me 

i am still
but think of constant movement
i am wrong
but i know i’m right
i know i won’t
but i’m afraid i might
i hope you don’t come around
i hope you never come around 

july

our legs are tired
and our stomachs ache
but we are always smiling
always making light of this dark place
and when i lay my head down
in this bed you once graced
i bring the blanket to my chin
breathe you in
and long for your embrace